Thank you, Johnny!

After several busy weeks at school and at work, I finally had the chance to jog around UPLB campus again. Yay! Aside from writing, jogging at night really gives me a cathartic feel. Wala pading tatalo sa night jogging feels sa elbi <3 <3 <3

Thank you to my ever reliable Goo goo dolls playlist for always keeping me company as I jog, walk, walk, walk, mostly walk *HAHA. I hope I can jog more regularly so I can run a marathon before 2016 ends. I'll list this in my bucket list for the year. Penge pong energy, Lord!  

Right Time

I wish I have known who you are at this very moment. I wish I could already hold your hand and tell you how my day went. I wish that you were already here, standing in front of me, and telling me how your day went. But you’re not here yet, and I am uncertain if you are actually holding someone else’s hand at this time.

Today has been another difficult day for me. When you are surrounded by friends and colleagues who are all in a relationship, it can be really daunting when it hits you that you are still single. Watching wedding videos and reading romantic novels are certainly not helping, though they served as my comfort blankets that kept me company while waiting for you. Today has been one of the times when I’m really wishing that God already sent you to me. But He’s telling me to wait a bit longer.

My emotions are keeping me up tonight again, and I figured that since you are still not here beside me, I’ll just write what I want to say to you for now. Maybe someday, in God’s perfect time where you are already beside me and holding my hand, we can just laugh about this and you’ll just tease me about how impatient I’ve been towards finally getting to know who you are.

If you were here today, I know things would have been different. I might not feel left out after choir practice when almost every one of my churchmates are off to dinner with their significant someone. Oh dear, if only you were here earlier, it might be easier for me to choose a place to eat; not that I can't decide on my own, but because I can have more options by also considering your preferences. If you were here earlier, there would be someone to cheer on me as I go up to serve Him in the choir loft; perhaps both of us can actually be singing in the choir to serve Him. Had we finally meet today, I wouldn’t feel a pang of envy towards my friends who have finally met their God’s gift. If you were already beside me, I wouldn’t have to always answer the unending queries of my friends about my gender preference (would you believe iniisip na nila na tiborcia ako kasi wala pa ako boyfriend. Huhu).

But I know God has a perfect reason why the two of us hadn’t met each other yet. Perhaps, I’m not yet really ready. Perhaps, He’s still trying to teach me that I need not worry and instead, I should put my complete trust in Him and in His plans because He has a beautiful plan which will work out for my good. This might also be His way of telling me that it is only until I truly rest on Him and rely on Him and His grace that I can feel complete.

I know that sometimes, our impatience can make us lurk into self-pity and be left asking God, “Why, why do I have to wait this long?” This has happened to me many, many times already. While I still don’t have the answers, I know God does. Just like what my favorite bible verse states, “God makes everything beautiful in His time”. While I’m really dying to finally get to know you and have you beside me, I know there’s a perfect reason with this entire wait.

My dear, I only pray that when that time comes when He finally gets to introduce us to each other, you’ll be patient enough to really try to understand me behind my walls. They always tell me that my standards have always been too high; others even scorned me for it. But truly, all I ever wanted was someone who will really take his time to understand me and accept me for all my flaws. I want someone who will accept me for all that I am and for all that I’ve been through (shocks super madaramang post na naman talaga ito. Kasi naman, ambagal mo dumating, kuya! Haha).  

But while my impatience can be really frustrating right now, I know things will make perfect sense when you are finally beside me. By then, I believe I can finally share with you my reflections on why I believe He hasn’t introduced you to me yet. Maybe we have to grow up and mature on our own first; maybe He is still healing our pains and strengthening our weaknesses so that when we finally meet, both of us are whole and we can complement each other’s needs. I can’t tell you enough how eager I am to finally meet you (and I am certain excited ka narin makita ako. HAHA). When the day finally comes that you are already reading this post beside me, I can’t wait to also hear your reflection on why you believe today’s still not the perfect time. Magprepare ka ng maayos na sagot ha, pero no pressure. Hahaha.

Until then, I will just keep on praying to the Lord to always keep you safe and ask for Mama Mary’s intercession so that she will cover you in the mantle of her protection. I pray that you are also praying for the same things for me J

I wish I would have known you earlier, but I know, He has a perfect time for everything.