Be strong and courageous

“No trial has overtaken you that is not faced by others. And God is faithful: He will not let you be tried beyond what you are able to bear, but with the trial will also provide a way out so that you may be able to endure it” (1 Corinthians 10:13)."

Today’s verse from the Bible was a great way to start my day. Just last week, delightful news came—it was an answered prayer indeed. However, along with the excitement that I felt came fears and doubts. The answered prayer entails that I need to come out of my comfort zone and experience a new environment. This is where doubt somehow sinks in. “What if I won’t live up to their standards?” “What if I fail?” “What if I won’t be able to execute their demands in the standards that they would want me to?” “What if I get hurt or misjudged?” My nerves are somehow kicking in.

There are times when I can’t help but ask God if I really have what it takes to succeed. Perhaps it’s because I’ve always wanted things to become perfect. It’s not that I want to always impress others; maybe it’s because rejection and failure are just too scary for me. I don’t want to get hurt because I don’t want to experience humiliation or failure.

However, after a series of contemplation and self-reflection, I now realize that failure and taking risks are parts of life. They are here to make us stronger and better persons. Understanding these was not that easy—it came through overcoming my anxiety attacks before. Most evidently, addressing my anxiety, worries and fears became more manageable after I got to know Christ more. Yes, I still experience fear, worries (mostly irrational ones) and anxieties; nonetheless, I know my God is bigger than any of these negative emotions. I know that allowing Christ and the presence of the Holy Spirit to work within and dwell in me are the keys to having courage. It’s only through God’s grace that I can move forward and become stronger when it comes to taking risks and perhaps, accepting failures.

God’s promise in 1 Corinthians 10:13 is a great reminder for me whenever I am experiencing anxiety or self-doubt. Truly, I know that God will not give me anything more than I can handle. I still have a lot of questions and doubts, yes. But I know that I don’t have to understand everything because my own wisdom and strength alone will not suffice. One thing is for sure though—God will be with me every step of the way and He will not fail me. I know that He will grant me the wisdom and strength to overcome the challenges which will come my way. If anything, He will be there to remind me that failures or risks are ways to make me a stronger and better person. I know that I don’t have to be afraid; I don’t have to live in fear and doubt because my God is faithful.

Lord God, as I face this new chapter in my life, please continue to always make me feel Your presence. At times like these when I’m experiencing doubt and fear, please remind me of your constant love and grace. Guide me through this new path that I will take; please shine your light in this new environment and the new people who I will work with. I entrust everything to You, my Mighty God. In Jesus’ name I pray, Amen.

Can someone tell me how?

Image source: bashzone.com

“How can I love when I’m afraid to fall?”

Perhaps this line from Christina Perri’s ballad summarizes how I feel towards love and commitment. And yes, this is going to be a heartsick post since there are some experiences I had the past month and weeks in line with this.

I have never been in a romantic relationship; as in ever. I belong to those who people fondly categorize under the “No Boyfriend since Birth” (NBSB) individuals, and I am not ashamed to state this. The truth is, it sucks big time whenever I meet my relatives or high school friends and the first question they ask me is “May boyfriend ka na”? Sometimes, it gets more irritating when people would find out that I am an NBSB and they would respond with “Ay kawawa ka naman”. As if my worth as a woman depends on the number of boys that I dated or the number of relationships I had.

Unfortunately, not many people understand my decision of being single. There were a lot of great guys before, and until now, who showed and shows their interest towards me and their desire to court me. However, I never felt so sure about anyone; the thing is, I never felt that I wanted to give someone a chance to even get close to me. 

I am a big fan of romantic comedy films and novels. Having said that, I think I have a clear picture in mind of what it is like to be in love. Nonetheless, I do not understand why it is very difficult for me to open up to others. There are times when I think I am not really capable of being committed or being “in love” because I do not know how to love. But just the other night, a friend made me realize something. This friend made me understand that I actually know how to love; I am just afraid to give it a try. This is where I believe Christina Perri’s line comes in.

Image source: http://inspirably.com/quotes/by-amand
a-arlyle-graef/im-not-afraid-of-love-im-afraid-of-the-fall

So, how can I love when I am afraid to fall? How do you open up yourself to someone and allow him to see your imperfections and deepest scars? I often wonder why people choose to fall in love and allow themselves to become vulnerable. Is it really worth it to take a risk? Will it be alright to try even though you know that it is possible for you to be truly hurt? I have a lot of questions. I do not know when I will have the courage to answer them.

Still, I believe that there is that special person for me. There is that someone who will make me want to jump and take a risk with him; someone who will make me realize that life is better travelled with a companion. Until then, I would just continue to pray for God to grant me the courage to take a leap of faith and the grace to accept all of my imperfections. This way, I know I can be ready to face this special person and share my heart with him.