Viva il Papa!

I have tears running down my face as I write this post. Not because I am terribly sad, but because I couldn’t help but be grateful for God’s omnipresence and goodness radiating from the people around me.

Just moments ago, I saw a clip of Pope Francis going out of his way to stop his driver and walk towards a disabled child. He prayed over him and spoke to the child’s parents. It was a very brief but truly a meaningful encounter. It reminded me of the time that I was able to see him up close as well during his visit here in Manila last January. Along with my church mates from Singles for Christ, I was among the millions of Filipinos who gathered past Luneta to hear Pope Francis’ homily and receive his blessing. Truly, the Pope has this aura of calmness and peace surrounding him. I will never forget the smile which he continued to shower the people around despite the rain. We didn’t mind being drenched in the cold rain as well; it was a once in a lifetime encounter we can never miss. And indeed, it was certainly one of the best moments of my life.

Other people regarded us Catholics as missing the point because they thought we are worshipping the Pope instead of Christ. Unfortunately, those who regarded us as such are not seeing the real picture. Instead, we can see the image of Christ better through him. We are more drawn to Christ because Pope Francis is a living testament to God’s goodness by mirroring the way his son Jesus Christ lived and sacrificed here on earth. Pope Francis is drawing us closer to God and to Christ because he makes us feel God’s love further through the way he showers mercy and compassion to millions of people worldwide.

Whenever I am being overwhelmed with fear or anxiety, it is such moments which remind me that there is really no need to be afraid because with God and through Christ, I can achieve peace. Through Him, I can let go and continue stepping out into the unknown knowing that there is Someone in control. Just like the peace I encountered while seeing the Pope and while looking at how he continues to change the lives of people across different nations, I know that I can always experience this calmness and peace through prayer. The Pope’s actions reminded me to always see the goodness in others. He makes me appreciate the value of a single gesture or even a small act of kindness towards others as a bountiful blessing which God can use to heal and uplift others. While the media might make us believe that our society today is scary (thanks to the nonstop news about killings and crimes—hello, cultivation theory!) God’s promises in the Bible that He has a good plan for us (Jeremiah 29:11) and that He will never leave nor forsake us (Deuteronomy 31:6) are bigger.

The Pope’s depiction of humility is also an example which I know I have to continuously work on. I have a lot of flaws and there are times when my actions can hurt others. But his reminder to always do good and try to always look out for one another makes me realize that repentance is paramount and that while it might appear as difficult, being humble in any situation is possible.

I pray that I can continue to change for the better. With continuous prayer and with Mama Mary’s intercession, I know I can be more like Christ. I will continue to pray that the Lord will bless me with the strength, wisdom, courage and humility that I need to live by. With Pope Francis’ smile as an inspiration and his examples of being God’s instrument of healing and support to others, I claim that I can also do good and show Christ’s love to others even through the simplest ways.

Breathe. He's in control :)

“There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens.” –Ecclesiastes 3:1

There are times when I couldn’t help but be impatient. If things don’t usually easily go my way or if I don’t immediately get what I want, I often become annoyed or irritated. I feel that there’s a need to quickly solve my worries and appease my eager mind—there are times when I want things to just easily go my way the way I want it to.

But then, I am being reminded that there is indeed a perfect time for everything. Whenever I ask for something in prayer and God does not easily respond, I can somehow lose patience and just rationalize the situation. This leads me to useless worries and needless exasperation. However, this is where the beauty of God’s unceasing love and peace come in. It is during these times when I continuously feel Him pull me closer, as if reminding me that I don’t always have to be in control, that I don’t need to have everything planned according to my will because He knows what’s best for me.

The reminder in Ecclesiastes 3:1 is truly beautiful. Just these past few weeks, I’m feeling a bit down because something that I’ve been praying for in a while was still left unanswered. Sometimes I can’t help but feel that I must do something so my prayers will immediately come true! I feel like I have to take the lead because this is my life after all.

However, it is with this need to be always in control and to always be prepared of what the future will bring that I get to experience unnecessary anxiety. But God is always there. Believe me. Just like what I mentioned earlier, it is during these circumstances when He makes me feel his presence further. Yes, I don’t have to do everything on my own and I don’t have to understand everything especially when my prayers are left unanswered. Indeed, God’s timing is perfect. In his perfect time, my prayers will be answered and I’m certain that his answer will be so much more than what I’ve been dreaming of. Sometimes I think I have everything already figured out, but then, He reminds me that, “No, my child. You have to slow down and just trust the process. I have been preparing something for you. For now, have faith that wherever you are, there’s a purpose. There are lessons you still need to learn before I give you the answer to your prayers”.

Wherever God will lead me, I’m certain that He will never leave. Whatever His answers to my prayers will be, I’m sure they will be for the best. In His perfect time, I know that the questions in my mind and the situation that I’m in right now will make sense.

Let go

I still think about you.

I thought time can just drown out all of my infatuation or ephemeral memories of being with you. But they’re still there.

Sometimes when I’m walking alone, I think about you. What is he up to? How is he doing? Does he still remember me? There are times when I’m trying to force myself to sleep that I reminisce about the laughter that we shared and the stories that you told me. With these thoughts I was able to sleep with a soft smile on my lips.

I can even hear your laugh or voice in my dreams. There, we share conversations just like before. There, I don’t have to worry about the time or our circumstance. There, I can allow you to hold my hand.

But these things can now only occur in my dreams. Whenever I tell our stories to my friends, they often tell me that I should just find someone else, that I deserve someone better. But what can I do, I’m happy whenever I think of you. Oftentimes, I’m even happier whenever I talk about you. When I was with you, I felt young and alive.

What was it about you which caught my attention? I don’t often get interested in guys around me. But you were different. For a while there you made me believe that someone can really understand me and what I’ve been through. Talking to you made me realize that I am capable of opening up to someone, especially a guy. Being with you made me appreciate the value of making the most of what I have and where I am. Listening to your stories made me aspire to do bigger things and to challenge myself to go on adventures where I can grow and mature. You were like a breath of fresh air to my messed up perspective on a guy’s capability to understand me.

Things can be perfect if we were in a favorable circumstance. But we are not. I could’ve allowed you to hold my hand. But I refuse to. Not today.

“In another life, I will make you stay. So I won’t have to say you were the one that got away”.

My confession

Now, more than ever, I feel like I’m missing out on so much by not getting into a relationship—a realization I had after being hooked to a soap opera.

I was never the fangirl or Kpop fanatic when watching Korean dramas and listening to Kpop music became very mainstream in the country. While my friends were going nuts over FT Island, Super Junior, Boys over Flowers, Rooftop Prince etc., I was busy wondering why they were so obsessed with them. Looking at them getting all giddy and “kilig” with the stories of these cute protagonists and performers, I often found myself laughing. I just didn’t get the “fandom” thing they had—the happiness they get whenever they watch these romantic Korean dramas. I just found it too cheesy or dramatic.

However, I feel like I’m starting to get them now. Seriously, I never knew that I could get really interested in a soap opera, especially in Filipino television where stories of dramas would most likely involve a poor man/girl who will fall in love with a rich woman/guy, a woman trying to get revenge to the family who belittled her and her family, or a wife being cheated by her husband vice versa. I was never a fan of any Filipino love team. But look at me now, being gaga over the tandem of James Reid and Nadine Lustre in On the Wings of Love (OTWOL).

Yes. I believe I’m joining the bandwagon of those being called certified “OTWOListas”. Shocks. Haha. But really, watching this television show is like a breath of a fresh air for Philippine Prime Time. I’ve really had enough watching “inaapi bidas” because after a tiring day at work, I truly can’t take more drama before heading to sleep. This was actually the reason why I haven’t really watched Filipino soap operas in a long time. Now, it’s different. Really, OTWOL makes me feel that it’s like heaven whenever you are looking into the eyes of your special someone. The show makes me wish I had a James Reid I can hug and talk to at the end of the day. Jusko Lord.

It also made me realize that guys who show a little mystery or the “suplado” effect is more, as in more, attractive. Haha. Really, I have had my fair share of guys who can be too clingy, cheesy, overly concerned or showy immediately. This is why the “suplado” guys work for me eh. Just like James in the story, seeing him tear down his walls slowly gives me more desire (hala desire talaga. Hahaha) to get to know him further. I really like how he smiles to show that he’s kinikilig but still manages to make himself look cool and not desperate. Jusko Lord, iba talaga ang tama ko kay James O___O.

It’s funny that I’ve seen him several times before in the television. I even saw him during one of their mall tours for the movie Diary ng Panget. But this was the only time when I really became interested in him. Perhaps, just like what I’ve said earlier, the story of OTWOL as a breath of fresh air for Philippine primetime dramas is the ultimate reason for this sudden fandom. The directors and writers behind the soap opera truly deserve recognition for this success, especially to their love team.

Now, every night, I always have something to look forward to. After a long day at work or school, something finally gives me a smile on my face before going to sleep. I might sound really cheesy, OA, or even jeje right now (unfortunately that’s how my brother currently describes me. haha), but maybe this is what it’s like to become a fan. I admire how the two actors get to look each other in the eye and make their viewers believe that there is really something between them—that their love story is real. And yes, I envy what they have and sometimes I really think that I want to get into a relationship na rin to experience what they have. Haha. Hay James. Bakeeeeeet, bakit ako nagkaganito dahil sayo? Haha.

I believe me blogging about this finally confirms that I’m now really a fan girl. I can finally feel what my friends felt when they were going gaga over those Kpop stars or dramas. It feels great to feel this kilig over a cute story!

Until the time that my own Clark gets to find me, I’ll just continue to fantasize about being Leah to Clark in my dreams. At least I’ll have a great dose of my happy pill for the day! Haha. So yes, I’m also a certified OTWOLista, and this is my confession.