Let go

I still think about you.

I thought time can just drown out all of my infatuation or ephemeral memories of being with you. But they’re still there.

Sometimes when I’m walking alone, I think about you. What is he up to? How is he doing? Does he still remember me? There are times when I’m trying to force myself to sleep that I reminisce about the laughter that we shared and the stories that you told me. With these thoughts I was able to sleep with a soft smile on my lips.

I can even hear your laugh or voice in my dreams. There, we share conversations just like before. There, I don’t have to worry about the time or our circumstance. There, I can allow you to hold my hand.

But these things can now only occur in my dreams. Whenever I tell our stories to my friends, they often tell me that I should just find someone else, that I deserve someone better. But what can I do, I’m happy whenever I think of you. Oftentimes, I’m even happier whenever I talk about you. When I was with you, I felt young and alive.

What was it about you which caught my attention? I don’t often get interested in guys around me. But you were different. For a while there you made me believe that someone can really understand me and what I’ve been through. Talking to you made me realize that I am capable of opening up to someone, especially a guy. Being with you made me appreciate the value of making the most of what I have and where I am. Listening to your stories made me aspire to do bigger things and to challenge myself to go on adventures where I can grow and mature. You were like a breath of fresh air to my messed up perspective on a guy’s capability to understand me.

Things can be perfect if we were in a favorable circumstance. But we are not. I could’ve allowed you to hold my hand. But I refuse to. Not today.

“In another life, I will make you stay. So I won’t have to say you were the one that got away”.