The Tethered Choice

The concept of the “tethered self” was discussed in one of my graduate classes this week. Having Sherry Turkle’s research discussion as reference, our class tried to mirror the real impact of how having regular access to the internet through our smartphones or laptops has changed the way people communicate and form relationships. Our class discussion actually made me further see in retrospect how indeed, the way we interact with others today has dramatically changed because being “unplugged” or “disconnected” from the internet is now considered inappropriate or unacceptable.

For instance, some examples which she elaborated on her research were that before, when one opens her laptop during an ongoing presentation at a conference, it is considered as a disrespectful or rude act. Today, it has become a norm. Before, after a meeting or a conference, people usually go around to establish new networks by socializing with one another. Today, during and after conferences, people usually find a comfortable spot where they can check their emails, respond to queries in their online accounts and even check their social media accounts.

In hindsight, the internet and our becoming “cyborgs” due to such technology have revolutionized not only the way we communicate to others, but also the way we spend our time. It’s as if we are being disrespectful to a colleague if we do not respond on time with their email because it is assumed that we are always tethered on the internet. Unfortunately, the fact that there are decisions which can’t be answered immediately is discarded with this viewpoint.

Perhaps the challenge for us here is to demarcate the boundaries between the importance of always being connected and the value of spending real quality time with our loved ones by being connected personally through face-to-face communication. With our fast-paced life due to technology and with the ubiquitous power of the internet, this challenge might be difficult to address.

Turkle said, “To put it more starkly: to make more “time” means turning off our devices, disengaging from the always-on culture. But this is not a simple proposition since our devices have become more closely coupled to our sense of our bodies and increasingly feel like extensions of our minds”.

Now, excuse me as I turn off my phone and laptop to really make more “time” for those around me.

Viva il Papa!

I have tears running down my face as I write this post. Not because I am terribly sad, but because I couldn’t help but be grateful for God’s omnipresence and goodness radiating from the people around me.

Just moments ago, I saw a clip of Pope Francis going out of his way to stop his driver and walk towards a disabled child. He prayed over him and spoke to the child’s parents. It was a very brief but truly a meaningful encounter. It reminded me of the time that I was able to see him up close as well during his visit here in Manila last January. Along with my church mates from Singles for Christ, I was among the millions of Filipinos who gathered past Luneta to hear Pope Francis’ homily and receive his blessing. Truly, the Pope has this aura of calmness and peace surrounding him. I will never forget the smile which he continued to shower the people around despite the rain. We didn’t mind being drenched in the cold rain as well; it was a once in a lifetime encounter we can never miss. And indeed, it was certainly one of the best moments of my life.

Other people regarded us Catholics as missing the point because they thought we are worshipping the Pope instead of Christ. Unfortunately, those who regarded us as such are not seeing the real picture. Instead, we can see the image of Christ better through him. We are more drawn to Christ because Pope Francis is a living testament to God’s goodness by mirroring the way his son Jesus Christ lived and sacrificed here on earth. Pope Francis is drawing us closer to God and to Christ because he makes us feel God’s love further through the way he showers mercy and compassion to millions of people worldwide.

Whenever I am being overwhelmed with fear or anxiety, it is such moments which remind me that there is really no need to be afraid because with God and through Christ, I can achieve peace. Through Him, I can let go and continue stepping out into the unknown knowing that there is Someone in control. Just like the peace I encountered while seeing the Pope and while looking at how he continues to change the lives of people across different nations, I know that I can always experience this calmness and peace through prayer. The Pope’s actions reminded me to always see the goodness in others. He makes me appreciate the value of a single gesture or even a small act of kindness towards others as a bountiful blessing which God can use to heal and uplift others. While the media might make us believe that our society today is scary (thanks to the nonstop news about killings and crimes—hello, cultivation theory!) God’s promises in the Bible that He has a good plan for us (Jeremiah 29:11) and that He will never leave nor forsake us (Deuteronomy 31:6) are bigger.

The Pope’s depiction of humility is also an example which I know I have to continuously work on. I have a lot of flaws and there are times when my actions can hurt others. But his reminder to always do good and try to always look out for one another makes me realize that repentance is paramount and that while it might appear as difficult, being humble in any situation is possible.

I pray that I can continue to change for the better. With continuous prayer and with Mama Mary’s intercession, I know I can be more like Christ. I will continue to pray that the Lord will bless me with the strength, wisdom, courage and humility that I need to live by. With Pope Francis’ smile as an inspiration and his examples of being God’s instrument of healing and support to others, I claim that I can also do good and show Christ’s love to others even through the simplest ways.

Breathe. He's in control :)

“There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens.” –Ecclesiastes 3:1

There are times when I couldn’t help but be impatient. If things don’t usually easily go my way or if I don’t immediately get what I want, I often become annoyed or irritated. I feel that there’s a need to quickly solve my worries and appease my eager mind—there are times when I want things to just easily go my way the way I want it to.

But then, I am being reminded that there is indeed a perfect time for everything. Whenever I ask for something in prayer and God does not easily respond, I can somehow lose patience and just rationalize the situation. This leads me to useless worries and needless exasperation. However, this is where the beauty of God’s unceasing love and peace come in. It is during these times when I continuously feel Him pull me closer, as if reminding me that I don’t always have to be in control, that I don’t need to have everything planned according to my will because He knows what’s best for me.

The reminder in Ecclesiastes 3:1 is truly beautiful. Just these past few weeks, I’m feeling a bit down because something that I’ve been praying for in a while was still left unanswered. Sometimes I can’t help but feel that I must do something so my prayers will immediately come true! I feel like I have to take the lead because this is my life after all.

However, it is with this need to be always in control and to always be prepared of what the future will bring that I get to experience unnecessary anxiety. But God is always there. Believe me. Just like what I mentioned earlier, it is during these circumstances when He makes me feel his presence further. Yes, I don’t have to do everything on my own and I don’t have to understand everything especially when my prayers are left unanswered. Indeed, God’s timing is perfect. In his perfect time, my prayers will be answered and I’m certain that his answer will be so much more than what I’ve been dreaming of. Sometimes I think I have everything already figured out, but then, He reminds me that, “No, my child. You have to slow down and just trust the process. I have been preparing something for you. For now, have faith that wherever you are, there’s a purpose. There are lessons you still need to learn before I give you the answer to your prayers”.

Wherever God will lead me, I’m certain that He will never leave. Whatever His answers to my prayers will be, I’m sure they will be for the best. In His perfect time, I know that the questions in my mind and the situation that I’m in right now will make sense.

Let go

I still think about you.

I thought time can just drown out all of my infatuation or ephemeral memories of being with you. But they’re still there.

Sometimes when I’m walking alone, I think about you. What is he up to? How is he doing? Does he still remember me? There are times when I’m trying to force myself to sleep that I reminisce about the laughter that we shared and the stories that you told me. With these thoughts I was able to sleep with a soft smile on my lips.

I can even hear your laugh or voice in my dreams. There, we share conversations just like before. There, I don’t have to worry about the time or our circumstance. There, I can allow you to hold my hand.

But these things can now only occur in my dreams. Whenever I tell our stories to my friends, they often tell me that I should just find someone else, that I deserve someone better. But what can I do, I’m happy whenever I think of you. Oftentimes, I’m even happier whenever I talk about you. When I was with you, I felt young and alive.

What was it about you which caught my attention? I don’t often get interested in guys around me. But you were different. For a while there you made me believe that someone can really understand me and what I’ve been through. Talking to you made me realize that I am capable of opening up to someone, especially a guy. Being with you made me appreciate the value of making the most of what I have and where I am. Listening to your stories made me aspire to do bigger things and to challenge myself to go on adventures where I can grow and mature. You were like a breath of fresh air to my messed up perspective on a guy’s capability to understand me.

Things can be perfect if we were in a favorable circumstance. But we are not. I could’ve allowed you to hold my hand. But I refuse to. Not today.

“In another life, I will make you stay. So I won’t have to say you were the one that got away”.

My confession

Now, more than ever, I feel like I’m missing out on so much by not getting into a relationship—a realization I had after being hooked to a soap opera.

I was never the fangirl or Kpop fanatic when watching Korean dramas and listening to Kpop music became very mainstream in the country. While my friends were going nuts over FT Island, Super Junior, Boys over Flowers, Rooftop Prince etc., I was busy wondering why they were so obsessed with them. Looking at them getting all giddy and “kilig” with the stories of these cute protagonists and performers, I often found myself laughing. I just didn’t get the “fandom” thing they had—the happiness they get whenever they watch these romantic Korean dramas. I just found it too cheesy or dramatic.

However, I feel like I’m starting to get them now. Seriously, I never knew that I could get really interested in a soap opera, especially in Filipino television where stories of dramas would most likely involve a poor man/girl who will fall in love with a rich woman/guy, a woman trying to get revenge to the family who belittled her and her family, or a wife being cheated by her husband vice versa. I was never a fan of any Filipino love team. But look at me now, being gaga over the tandem of James Reid and Nadine Lustre in On the Wings of Love (OTWOL).

Yes. I believe I’m joining the bandwagon of those being called certified “OTWOListas”. Shocks. Haha. But really, watching this television show is like a breath of a fresh air for Philippine Prime Time. I’ve really had enough watching “inaapi bidas” because after a tiring day at work, I truly can’t take more drama before heading to sleep. This was actually the reason why I haven’t really watched Filipino soap operas in a long time. Now, it’s different. Really, OTWOL makes me feel that it’s like heaven whenever you are looking into the eyes of your special someone. The show makes me wish I had a James Reid I can hug and talk to at the end of the day. Jusko Lord.

It also made me realize that guys who show a little mystery or the “suplado” effect is more, as in more, attractive. Haha. Really, I have had my fair share of guys who can be too clingy, cheesy, overly concerned or showy immediately. This is why the “suplado” guys work for me eh. Just like James in the story, seeing him tear down his walls slowly gives me more desire (hala desire talaga. Hahaha) to get to know him further. I really like how he smiles to show that he’s kinikilig but still manages to make himself look cool and not desperate. Jusko Lord, iba talaga ang tama ko kay James O___O.

It’s funny that I’ve seen him several times before in the television. I even saw him during one of their mall tours for the movie Diary ng Panget. But this was the only time when I really became interested in him. Perhaps, just like what I’ve said earlier, the story of OTWOL as a breath of fresh air for Philippine primetime dramas is the ultimate reason for this sudden fandom. The directors and writers behind the soap opera truly deserve recognition for this success, especially to their love team.

Now, every night, I always have something to look forward to. After a long day at work or school, something finally gives me a smile on my face before going to sleep. I might sound really cheesy, OA, or even jeje right now (unfortunately that’s how my brother currently describes me. haha), but maybe this is what it’s like to become a fan. I admire how the two actors get to look each other in the eye and make their viewers believe that there is really something between them—that their love story is real. And yes, I envy what they have and sometimes I really think that I want to get into a relationship na rin to experience what they have. Haha. Hay James. Bakeeeeeet, bakit ako nagkaganito dahil sayo? Haha.

I believe me blogging about this finally confirms that I’m now really a fan girl. I can finally feel what my friends felt when they were going gaga over those Kpop stars or dramas. It feels great to feel this kilig over a cute story!

Until the time that my own Clark gets to find me, I’ll just continue to fantasize about being Leah to Clark in my dreams. At least I’ll have a great dose of my happy pill for the day! Haha. So yes, I’m also a certified OTWOLista, and this is my confession. 

The promise in Philippians 4:13

“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me”- Philippians 4:13.

Thank you, Lord, for comforting me and listening to my cry today. Indeed, your voice never fails to uplift me and wipe away my tears.

Today has been a bit difficult for me as there were some challenges which made me somehow question things. It can truly be daunting to face new obstacles in life—being immersed in a new environment, interacting with new people, engaging in a different culture. Thus, situations like these sometimes make me question myself and my capabilities. This is one of those days.

Perhaps I was just overwhelmed with all the new things I am facing right now. Adjusting from an office setting to a classroom setting in gradschool is a bit difficult. It has been years since I last entered a classroom!

However, it is also during these times that I can feel God’s presence further. Whenever I’m being overwhelmed, I believe it is God’s way of telling me, “My child, you are not alone. You don’t have to do things on your own. Give your burden to Me; hold My hand and I will guide you in all of the paths you will take”.

Whatever it is that I feel I’m lacking, God can provide. If I’m being overwhelmed with anxiety or self-doubt, I know that His peace can comfort me. I just have to always look to Him. Prayer truly does wonders because it is through prayer that I get to really converse with Him. His words, through the Scripture, never fail to grant me comfort and peace. Just like tonight, while I was feeling really low, He made me remember His words to the Philippians. That’s His promise—that through Christ, I can do it. Through Him, I can face the obstacles that will come my way. While the future seems to be vague or while taking new challenges can sometimes shake me and make me question my capabilities, I know I can always rely on His promise.

Indeed, through Him, I can do all beautiful things.

Hello, school!

I’m finally back to school! Yay!

It has been three weeks already since the first semester started. I won’t deny that the adjustment from an office setting to a classroom setting was challenging for me as it has been almost four years since I last entered school (Huhu medyo tanders na L). I was a bit overwhelmed during the first few days when our professor was outlining the requirements for class such as the countless written reports, oral reports, book and film review etc. There was even a time when I thought to myself, “Ano ba tong pinasok ko? Bakit gusto ko na namang pahirapan ang utak ko? O__O. Bakit Communication Research pa, andami na namang reports nito.”

But I knew I wanted this. It feels as though I have an insatiable desire for learning (Naks) because I know that learning should be continuous. I want to constantly improve my skills and learn so I can perform better at work. I believe that further learning will also help me boost my self-esteem when it comes to writing.

Similarly, I wanted to meet new people as well. This was actually one of the top reasons why I decided to finally pursue graduate studies. I wanted to expand my network and interact with more people who share different ideas. In the classes that I’m currently taking, the students are very diverse—we are from different fields of communication. This makes learning more interesting since I am able to gather different ideas and perspectives about the field.

Aside from adjusting from an office setting to a classroom setting, adjusting to my new campus was also a bit of a challenge. Elbi is a bit different from UPD talaga when it comes to the transportation and enrollment process. During my first few days around QC, I had a bit of a difficult time finding places around the campus. Unfortunately, I wasn’t able to attend any campus tour for new students so I can familiarize myself with the different buildings and colleges in the area. So ayun, medyo ligaw ligawan ang lola mo. I was also hesitant to pull the string on the jeepney to signify that I have already reached my destination (Bawal bang sumigaw ng para? Hila mo hinto ko lang ba talaga? Hahahaha). But it was fun actually. J It’s great that I’m learning new things and I am also learning how to finally commute outside LB. Hooray!

I’m truly thankful to the Lord for allowing me to experience all these new things. I’m also grateful for the chance that was given to me to study and expand my perspective on things, especially on my field. While the academic requirements can be truly challenging, I know that by God’s grace and by being diligent, I can make it. J Kaya yan, push!

Now back to doing my assignment on propaganda and political campaigns. 

Thank you for the present

I attended the pre-school graduation of a friend’s niece this morning. The surrounding was very nostalgic. The small chairs, nursery rhymes, swings, monkey bars and teachers dancing around reminded me of the good old days when there was truly nothing for me to worry about—all I had to do was go to school to play, read, play, play and play because I know my parents are in-charge of all the other things I wasn’t even aware of then. I had no care of any other thing aside from just living in the moment. All I knew then was that my playmates were beside me, my mommy was just outside watching me, all of us kids have merienda ready and toys are overflowing—such blissful moment is all that we had. There was no future that I had to carefully and rigorously plan ahead of me and there was no such thing as wasting my time brooding over things that happened in the past. I was just busy living in the present moment and had no care about how I was being perceived by others.

It’s funny how when we started to become more mature and as we age, we tend to forget about all those beautiful things our childhood made us feel. As I went to elementary school, I started to get conscious about acne and all those classmates teasing me about how oily my skin was. I knew that there must be something I must do to get rid of my pimples. I started to get really conscious and worried about what other people think of me. Instead of just focusing on my current assignments or projects, I somehow wasted my time thinking of what I can do to get rid of my acne.  

Then, as I entered into high school, I told myself that I had to get good grades so I can get into UP. I was so focused on my future college plans because it was UP or nothing for me. Whenever my friends from college asked me about my high school life, most would say that I had a pretty boring life then. Because unlike my classmates who had those kilig MUs and puppy loves, I never entertained anyone. I had a goal for my future and I had to be focused only on that goal—it was sad that I didn’t just live in that present moment instead.

Nonetheless, while it might have seemed to be a somehow conservative or bland high school life, it allowed me to achieve my goals. I graduated with high honors in high school and I was able to enter UP. So college life came. Life in UP is truly not the easy path to take, but being the responsible student that I am (ahem ahem. Haha) I was able to pass all my subjects and finish my degree in three and a half years. Woohoo! I was very focused on earning my college degree in the shortest possible time then because I wanted to pursue another degree immediately after—I wanted to earn a degree in Architecture. So there, I breezed through my subjects and before I even knew it, my college life was already over. Just like what happened through my high school life, I didn’t truly live in the present moment then. I was so preoccupied by my plans for the future, plans that I have to achieve so I can finally be happy. However, because I was so busy preparing for my future, I knew I missed out on several fun activities or experiences that I can only earn in college. For instance, I wasn’t able to attend even one college party. Boo me. Again, I never entertained any guy who tried to get to know me. I didn’t join any school organization. Yes I was able to earn my degree in such a short time, yet I missed out several opportunities to get to know more people and earn new experiences then because I didn’t live in the “now”.

Looking back at these things and reflecting on what I saw earlier at the pre-school graduation, I realized that I no longer want to take things for granted. I no longer want to have a longer list of things that I somehow regret. I now realized how truly important it is to live in the present moment because this is all that we have. The future and all of our anxieties about what could be do not really exist. If I will just focus on all of those plans that I have to accomplish just so I can be happy, then I would definitely miss out on the chances and gifts that are in front of me right now. Thus, it made me understand how important the present is. I am blessed because I have the time to read, play the piano, play with my dogs, bond with my family, work and go to school. I am blessed because I have my church mates who make me further realize that life is so beautiful because of God’s grace and that focusing on what happened in the past or what will happen in the future is truly a waste of time because all we have is “now”.

Seeing all those kids earlier with their carefree vibes, I knew that was the feeling that I want as well. I know that being happy and living in the present moment is a choice and I am making such choice as a priority from now on. Life is so beautiful; if I will just take everything one small step at a time, I’m sure I can better appreciate all of the beautiful things around me—all of the beautiful chances and experiences I can take at the present time.

While I might have regrets from how I lived my elementary, high school or college days, I know that what I went through were essential to where I am now. I had to go through all those so I can be more mature and so I can better appreciate the life that was given to me.

Thank you, Lord, for giving me life. Thank you for all that I have right now because I know that I am bountifully blessed. And yes, I am going to bring back those happy vibes from my childhood para din forever baby faced. Haha. Cheers to living a positive life and living in the present moment! J

Off to a new chase

If I lay here, if I just lay here, would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Things have been a bit challenging these past few weeks. I decided to make one big decision, definitely not inadvertently just like what others tried to imply, because I am not happy with where I am anymore. I felt extremely tired, demotivated, and almost without a drive; I knew I wanted to be in another place instead. So instead of being a zombie machine employee, I decided to let go.

As much as I would want to just immediately jump into another adventure and close the previous chapter of my journey, my tired mind and body scream and beg that I need to take a breather first. Pengeng fresh air! Pengeng rom-coms, wala munang drama!

Then I remembered the song Chasing Cars. If I can just lie down the middle of the road (without being hit by cars. Haha), without any care of what other people would think of me, gaah that would be great. “Would you lie with me and just forget the world?”

But of course, I don’t plan to just lie down all day and count cars. Haha. I am definitely excited to start my next big adventure outside of my comfort zone. Yay! I’m eager to meet new friends, learn new things, live in a new environment and be more independent.

I’m taking lessons from my previous journey. Things might not have turned out or ended the way I wanted it to, but I’m sure all of these are part of God’s great plan for me.

Show me a garden that’s bursting into life.

Take a leap

Drive—I need a drive to continue to get moving forward.

These past few days, I’ve been reflecting as to what I really wanted to do in life. It’s great that I am being constantly challenged at work. I’m thankful that I am able to have the chance to write and meet new people along the way. But sometimes, my body feels as though it’s longing for something else.

I do enjoy writing. Although I’m not like the other writers who breathe words and can play with them with ease, I like writing because it continues to challenge me. However, there are days when I truly feel like dragging myself to write an article, or times when I actually question myself if writing is really what I would like to do forever. Maybe this is where my desire for more drive comes in.

I love writing. I love writing. I love writing (Repeat more than 20 times everyday para sure na maabsorb).   

I’m truly thankful for my job and every opportunity that it provides me with. This makes me want to love every single thing that I do at work—including writing. Haaa.

To “rekindle” this love for writing, I plan on taking a move these coming weeks. There’s a new endeavour I want to take to strengthen my skills and make me appreciate the craft further. If it’s part of God’s will, I know that I’ll get accepted. J

Dear God, I pray that this new move will help me to appreciate my work further and gain the necessary drive I need to continue moving forward. Amen.

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Hello, blog! I missed you! I hope I can wake you up from your deep sleep. Haha. Wake uuuuuup!